Upgrading Granny

Granny’s been to the hospital,

She needed an upgrade again;

Her body’s been stripped and refitted,

By an army of white-coated men.


Her new teeth are pure carbon fibre,

Her specs were designed with a laser;

She can now bite through plates if she wants to,

And her eyesight’s as sharp as a razor.


She’s got digital hearing aid power,

And her pacemaker’s nuclear I’m told;

They replaced her hip with a stainless steel joint,

And her Zimmer’s now radio controlled.


There was a special offer on memory,

She got 64 gigs of it free;

She can now recall where she left grandad,

And that I owe her 35p.


Her toilet’s controlled by computer,

Her electric shopping cart’s fun;

Her stairlift’s got internet access,

I can’t wait till I’m ninety-one.