Granny’s been to the hospital,
She needed an upgrade again;
Her body’s been stripped and refitted,
By an army of white-coated men.
Her new teeth are pure carbon fibre,
Her specs were designed with a laser;
She can now bite through plates if she wants to,
And her eyesight’s as sharp as a razor.
She’s got digital hearing aid power,
And her pacemaker’s nuclear I’m told;
They replaced her hip with a stainless steel joint,
And her Zimmer’s now radio controlled.
There was a special offer on memory,
She got 64 gigs of it free;
She can now recall where she left grandad,
And that I owe her 35p.
Her toilet’s controlled by computer,
Her electric shopping cart’s fun;
Her stairlift’s got internet access,
I can’t wait till I’m ninety-one.