Razzle Dazzle

Here are a few poems from my book Razzle Dazzle:

Upgrading Granny

Granny’s been to the hospital
She needed an upgrade again
Her body’s been stripped and refitted
By an army of white-coated men
Her new teeth are pure carbon fibre
Her specs were designed with a laser
She can now bite through plates if she wants to
And her eyesight’s as sharp as a razor
She’s got digital hearing aid power
And her pacemaker’s nuclear I’m told
They replaced her hip with a stainless steel joint
And her Zimmer’s now radio controlled
There was a special offer on memory
She got 64 megs of it free
She can now recall where she left granddad
And that that I owe her 35p
Her toilet’s controlled by computer
Her electric shopping cart’s fun
Her stairlift’s got internet access
I can’t wait till I’m ninety one

Hindsight

Yesterday
I went to get my hindsight tested.
It was perfect.
Looking back,
I should have known that.

Cheese and Crackers

Some people
Think
The Moon
Is made of
Cheese.
They must
Be
Crackers.

Looby

I was really sad when Looby died,
My favourite pet of all;
We buried her at the back of the house,
Next to the garden wall.
I was really sad when Looby died,
That giraffe was part of my soul;
But not as sad as dad was:
Took him two years to dig the hole.
Razzle Dazzle is only £3.99 on Amazon (+ P&P): buy it now!

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